Ways to blend in as a Londoner

When you first move to London, some of you might take to it like water off a duck’s back, others of you may feel that you stick out like a sore thumb.
We’ve created a list of ways to blend in as Londoner, so you don’t feel out of your depth. Many of them are related to the public transport system and some should be taken as being tongue in cheek, but we’ll let you try and work out which are which!

• Don’t wander around obviously clutching your A-Z. If you need to carry it, then try and be discreet about it. Or if you have an I-phone, you could just use that instead to get about!
• Try and hide the fact that your snot is currently black and sooty – we promise it’ll go away.
• Get an Oyster card – real Londoners don’t buy paper tickets, they’re more expensive.
• Never stand still on the left side of an escalator – always move to the right. In fact, most Londoners are often in a rush, so feel free to charge up and down the left side of the escalator.
• Always avoid eye contact with strangers and don’t even think about exchanging niceties – we don’t do that in London or else people might mistake us for psychopaths.
• Walk quickly everywhere and try and look like you’re extremely angry at all times.
• In a supermarket, use the self-service checkout – remember that you’re in a hurry and don’t have time for queues.
• Don’t scream in alarm at the tiny amount of change you’ll get when you hand over a fiver for a pint of beer
• Stop carrying cash altogether and rely on using cards everywhere
• Scream like billio if you see a mouse in your house, but don’t bat an eyelid if you see 10 of them whilst you’re waiting for a tube
• Roll your eyes and be completely devoid of sympathy if someone commits suicide by jumping on the tube tracks and ruins your journey across town
• Start sniggering (and/or exercise an eye roll) if your train is delayed or cancelled due to leaves on the line or the wrong type of snow
• Always carry Nurofen, Berocca tablets, eyedrops and chewing gum with you on Friday mornings to help you deal with a crazy Thursday night out.
• Learn the names and respective colours of the tube lines. Nothing will make you stand out more than if you say you’re taking the yellow line to work. IT’S CALLED THE CIRCLE LINE!
• Don’t bother going out in Central London unless it’s for work drinks. Instead find the best pub in your new area and claim it as your local.
• Start acting like the rest of the UK doesn’t exist

PS We didn’t mean the last one – we’re not originally from London either!!!